From strong to broken
Now I teach the space in between
For years, my body was an instrument of sheer power.
As a D1 Track & Field athlete, a two-time marathoner including a race on the Great Wall of China and a finding myself as a member of a new CrossFit gym in Japan (I had no idea what I was getting myself into! ;)
I knew exactly how to push through demanding circumstances.
My body understood grit, resilience, and maximum effort. But when trauma and deep grief settled into my nervous system, my relationship to movement completely changed.
I experienced a fatality in the field
While I feel no inclination to put the worst day of my life on display, I do speak openly about compounded grief in my blog post, “The Weight We Carry.” I wrote it to create a sense of solidarity for anyone else enduring the unimaginable.
If I can tell you one thing, it is this: something broke open within me that I was entirely unprepared to handle. For years, I was the strong, capable person leading others through the deep backcountry, yet I had no idea how to guide myself through grief.
In the wake of that trauma, I was diagnosed with PTSD and major depressive disorder, experiencing a disconnection from my own body that words cannot fully describe. I survived by going through the motions, completely numb to the world except for a hollow void and a constantly rattled nervous system. Trapped in hypervigilance and grief, I spent two years in isolation and gave up the majority of my outdoor gear.
THEN PILATES AND YOGA SHOWED ME RESILIENCE, STRENGTH AND CAPACITY
Starting with just two and three pound weights, I rebuilt my physical and internal resilience through mat pilates. Coming from the outdoor industry, I wanted a low-impact challenge, not from heavy lifting or hours in the gym, but from pure precision. I learned to slow down, go deep, lean into the burn and discover how connection creates far more strength than force ever could.
Yoga and pilates became something entirely new to me. I wasn't moving just to be connected with my breath. I was moving to come home to myself, finally recognizing and determined to honor the deep capabilities of my one and only precious body.
Ketamine-ASSISTED Therapy Changed EVERYTHING FOR ME
Four sessions of EMDR helped quiet the relentless, daily cries of grief, but something deep within my nervous system still felt unresolved. I became acutely aware of the constant loops and ruminations playing out in my mind, refusing to dissipate. To address this, I explored clinical ketamine assisted-therapy in the comfort of my own home with Mindbloom. I share this openly because I know how many people find healing through specialized modalities that rarely get discussed in traditional movement spaces. This approach allowed me to truly process my grief, depression and PTSD, giving me access to parts of myself that I simply could not reach through willpower alone.
My Teaching Changed Completely
While navigating this personal journey, I continued teaching yoga. As I tapped into the deeper layers of my own emotions, my teaching style shifted dramatically, and it became clear that my students were feeling the new energy I brought to the room.
Yoga brought me home to my body, while Pilates gave me the strength and physical challenge I craved. Blending the two created an empathetic yet resilient flow. It allows me to hold space for others while pushing them to embrace the physical challenge, teaching them to use the breath to settle the nervous system. Ultimately, we all experience suffering, but through intentional movement, we can cultivate the mental resilience and motivation needed to show up for ourselves.
WHAT I BELIEVE
STRENGTH AND SOFTNESS ARE NOT OPPOSITES
I deeply love the balance of strength and softness - the way a fluid yoga sequence can lead you into a perfect flow state and the mental resilience built by holding a pose longer than your mind might enjoy. But our bodies change from day to day, and we aren't always meant to push, push, push.
True embodied strength—mentally, physically, and emotionally—lies in self-awareness. It’s about knowing when to lean into the burn and when to choose modification and softness. Sharing this intuitive, balanced practice with the world is my deepest purpose.
My devotion to movement is often misunderstood. While many focus on the physical shell, I train for what my body can achieve from the inside out. For me, the mental and emotional breakthroughs of movement matter tenfold over what it looks like on the outside.
BEYOND the PHYSIQUE
TIME IS OUR BIGGEST ASSET
When my track and field coach Von died at 47, two days later his wife received a letter from the PGA that he had officially become a pro golfer. He never got to read that letter which broke something open in me and it also lit something deep.
“If Von could become pro at the very end of his life, what can I do with mine?”For me, I’m focused, determined and not yet finished exploring what my body and mind can do.
True resilience begins with accepting impermanence. I deeply honor the reality that our bodies change, the people around us evolve, and our struggles ebb and flow like the tide. By accepting these transformations, we find the strength to move through life with grace and purpose.